Real Madrid - Barcelona Players Ratings

Very good Clasico we've had today. The best team has won, and the worse team has been vanquished and humbled.
Meanwhile back in London certain individuals are laughing so hard right now at Real Madrid. (Ozil, Mourinho, Daniel Levy....take your pick mates. Take your pick).

Here are the ratings out of 10 mates.

BARCELONA
Valdes (8/10): Made some great saves throughout the match to frustrate the whiny Madrid team. Unlucky not to stop Mini-me LOSERnaldo AKA Jese's goal.

Messi can only smile as he has ONCE AGAIN
defeated and vanquished his foe LOSERnaldo

Dani Alves (7/10): Got caught out of position a couple of times on defence, but in attack he made Madrid suffer. UTTERLY AND TOTALLY HUMILIATED LOSERnaldo WITH A PANNA. LOSERnaldo WAS LEFT HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED.

Pique (6/10): Good solid defence. Nothing special from him, but he did his job for the most part. Shakira will reward him tonight.

Mascherano (5/10): Solid in defence, but he made too many mistakes that almost cost Barca like giving the ball away cheaply around Barca's goal. He also failed to mark Mini-Me LOSERnaldo AKA Jese for that last goal, but otherwise he put in a solid performance.

Adriano (6/10): SHUT DOWN THE 100 M FLOP. He wasn't spectacular or anything today, but he showed that EAReth FAIL is nothing but the biggest most expensive flop in footballing history.

Busquets (5/10): Kept things ticking in the Barca midfield, but he was a little whiny today tbh. He needs better concentration or he could've cost his team.

Iniesta (7/10): This trash continues to try and steal glory from Super Messi as usual. I'll admit that he was good today, but he better stop hogging the ball from Super Messi or else Barca will fail again like last season in Champ's League when they face real competition.

Xavi (8/10): He has been surpassed by Ramsey and Wilshere as best centre mid in the world, but he turned back the clock today and picked apart Madrid in midfield. Well done mate. Well done.

He may have a Horsie hair head, but NEIGHmar still proved to
be the difference in today's match.......

Horsie Head NEIGHmar (9/10; MAN OF THE MATCH): When NEIGHmar first arrived I thought he would be like that trash Iniesta always trying to steal glory from Messi. But NEIGHmar has shown that he is a good, obedient boy and he performs the will of Messi and doesn't step out of line. Messi has decided to reward him today by letting him star in the Clasico so well done NEIGHmar. Well done mate.

Traitor Fabregas (3/10): Useless for Barca. This traitor boy should be sent to the Barca reserves to teach him a lesson in LOYALTY.

Super Messi (6/10): Not the best match from Super Messi, but he played like this ON PURPOSE. He knew Madrid would have 3-4 of their hyenas chasing him so he acted as a decoy and let NEIGHmar shine today instead. FOOK ANYONE WHO STILL SAYS SUPER MESSI IS SELFISH AFTER THIS MATCH. HE SACRIFICED HIS INDIVIDUAL GLORY FOR THIS MATCH SO THAT THE TEAM COULD WIN. WELL DONE SUPER MESSI. WELL DONE.

Subs:
Alexis Sanchez (8/10): Spectacular chip for the win lad. Spectacular. He didn't do much else, but that chip was AMAZING.

Pedro (5/10): He was just brought on to work hard and secure the result for Barca. He did his job to bring home the victory.

Traitor Song (3/10): I can only sit and laugh at this traitor. The bench is where he shall remain for the rest of his days in Barca. Even that is too good for him though. He should also be sent to the reserves or even to the youth team training to toil for the rest of his days.


REAL MADRID
Diego Lopez (4/10): How can a keeper as HUMONGOUS as this guy get chipped so easily. LMFAO. TERRIBLE day for Lopez. Just TERRIBLE.

Daniel Carvajal will have nightmares of NEIGHmar
for the rest of his life now after getting
torched time and time again.

Carvajal (3/10): Horsie Head NEIGHmar TORE THIS LAD UP. Over and over. Time and time again NEIGHmar ate him up. This guy will have nightmares of NEIGHmar for the rest of his life.

Animal Hyena Pepe (6/10): The animal actually had a decent game. Nothing amazing. But decent. I'm surprised that this wild animal could remain so composed today. Madrid must have given him a rabies shot before the match to control his symptoms.

Varane (5/10): They left Varane to dry out there. He got no help from his teammates so it made him look bad. Hey Varane, when you're ready to join a real powerful team, we are waiting for you at Arsenal. Varane will surely be coming to Arsenal in the coming years where he belongs.

Marcelo (7/10): One of the better players in Madrid. He got up and linked up in attack, and he actually had good positioning during the match to keep Super Messi quiet. Marcelo should look to get out of Madrid soon so that he can join a team with a chance to win some trophies. Marcelo is the best LB int he world and he would be welcome at Arsenal.

THUGio Ramos (4/10): LMFAO. What was THUGio doing in the midfield? He has NEVER played there before and they decide to just randomly throw him in there in oh I don't know ONLY THE BIGGEST MATCH OF THE SEASON. LMFAO. AMATEUR HOUR at Madrid mates. AMATEUR HOUR at Madrid.

Ghostface Khedira (3/10): They call him Ghostface Khedira because he is invisible during the match and you never even realize he is out there. He simply vanishes from sight like a ghost. Except today he reappeared a few times during the match so that he could constantly ruin the Madrid attacks. LMFAO. I bet they wish he stayed vanished now.

Modric (7/10): The dirty ex Spud player. He was one of the best Madrid players for this match I'll admit. He was the only one who was showing some creativity and composure in the middle if the pitch.

EAReth FAIL (0/10; FLOP OF THE MATCH): LMFAO. 100 M down the drain. HOW THE FOOK

The biggest FAIL in football history. Even Bale can only
hold his hands on his head as he wonders why Real
Madrid made such a HORRENDOUS error.

CAN A PLAYER WHO COST 100 M BE SO USELESS ON A FOOTBALL PITCH. All Bale does in Madrid is pass backwards, and shoot the ball form 40 yards all the way into the stands. ANYONE CAN DO THIS. I repeat. HOW THE FOOK HAS HE COST 100 M THEN????

LOSERnaldo (6/10): He was HUMILIATED and SHAMED by Dani Alves. HUMILIATED and SHAMED. LOSERnaldo best keep his face out the public eye for a while. People will simply point and laugh at him and whisper about his failure against Alves from now on.

Di Maria (4/10): He ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran. And that's all he did. A headless chicken out on the football pitch. Only in Madrid mates. Only in Madrid.

Subs:

Illarra (4/10): Useless signing for Madrid. He cost 35 M and yet they still start THUGio Ramos over him even though Ramos isn;'t even a midfielder. LOL, the coach has NO FAITH in this lad. Another waste of money from Madrid. They just love to overspend on useless players don't they?

BenzeMISS (5/10): You know that you are a failure when people start cheering and hollering because you MISSed a shot off the post. LMFAO, Madridistas are so used to seeing him miss the target completely that his shot off the post took them by surprise. They weren't expecting that he could ever come close to scoring like that!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAA.

Jese aka Mini-me LOSERnaldo (7/10): This lad wants so much to be like LOSERnaldo. AHAHAHAHAHA. Well mate let me tell you should aspire to be more because you OUTSHINED your supposed idol today. You are an even BETTER talent than LOSERnaldo. Get out of Madrid son quickly, or else LOSERnaldo will ruin you by making Ancelotti keep you on the bench all the time. LOSERnaldo hates it when others outshine him. Just ask GOALzalo Higuain or Mesut Ozil.

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He ASSAULTED Koscielny.......IN THE FOOKING FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I like Dortmund. They are the #3 team of the world.................

BUT WE HAVE BEEN FOOKING CHEATED OUT OF THIS MATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW COULD THEY ALLOW LEWANDOWKSI AND HIS ELBOWS TO STAY ON THE FOOKING PITCH!

LOOK AT THIS CHEATER LEWANDOWSKI. HE IS
SUCH A CHEATER. HE SHOULD"VE BEEN SENT OFF AND
WE WOULD'VE WON THE MATCH!!!!!!!!!

IT"S A DISGRACE. A FOOKING DISGRACE.

UEFA ONCE AGAIN HAVE SCREWED US OVER. MY FOOKING GOSH WHY CAN'T UEFA JUST LET THE MATCHES BE FAIR FOR US FOR ONCE. ALWAYS WE ARE CHEATED SOMEHOW BY THE REFS. CHEATED IN BARCA MATCH A COUPLE OF SEASONS AGO. CHEATED IN Bayern MunCHEAT match last season and also by Schalke. Now cheated in Dortmund match. When will this stop UEFA? When will this travesty be over? Why do you forsake us in this way? What have we done to deserve this treatment?

Lewandowski VICIOUSLY and VIOLENTLY ASSAULTED poor, innocent, defenseless Koscielny............IN THE FOOKING FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN THE MOTHERFOOKING FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RED CARD ALL DAY EVERYDAY STUPID REF. THE REF HAS BEEN PAID OFF BY UEFA TO SCREW US OVER BECAUSE Dortmund are a honest club unlike MunCHEAT. Dortmund would never pay off the officials to screw us, they are honest team, although this trash Lewandowksi..... I can see now why he wants to go to MunCHEAT.

That CHEATer Lewandowski will fit right into Bayern MunCHEAT perfectly. What a lucky strike he had to slip past our keeper for the winner, but he SHOULD HAVE BEEN OFF WITH A RED CARD.

Walcott could only stare in horror on the sidelinews as UEFA
YET AGAIN cheated us out of an important match in Europe.
Wait the fook until he returns to the pitch and we'll see
if UEFA can still cheat us then..........

He ASSAULTED poor, innocent, defenseless Koscielny...........IN THE FOOKING FACE.

BESIDES. Walcott was injured for this match. No offence to Dortmund w.ho I continuously stress that I am a fan of their style of play, but had Walcott been fit.....................MAN A 8-2 loss for Dortmund would've been their only reality

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ARSENAL WHEN THE MATCH IS FAIR AND UEFA DOESN'T CHEAT AGAINST US?!?!?!?!?!?

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The Scary Tale of Dortmund (Arsenal - Dormund Match Preview)

10 years ago a boy went into a haunted forest. This is his tale.................

*Listen to and watch the story below before continuing.*

*Now play the next video and listen to the sounds while reading on.*

Rain pours down from the skies. Thunder and lightning crackle and light up the heavens. We are in present day London. 10 years from the moment when the  mysterious boy went into the forest and was haunted. 10 years and the mystery of what actually happened in that forest still remains.

Dortmund have just arrived in London in the thunderstorm. Their team bus has broken down in the middle of the forest though. The same forest that haunted the child all those years ago.........................

Mighty Reus: Hey guys!!!!! What's going on!! Why has our bus stopped?

Dortmund are scared. Very scared. They know doom
awaits them...........

Klopp: Our buus haz brokeen down me boy. Patience me lad. Patience. Let uz go eexplore in theez rain and zee what iz in theez forest shall we.

Aubemayang: Yeah, let's go!

Lewandowski: You guys no!!!!!!! I'm scared...... I was just here in London last week after I got my butt kicked the all powerful England squad. The most powerful side of the world. This forest is HAUNTED mates. We must stay on the bus and wait.

Sahin: Nonsense mate. Now come....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Sahin has just tripped on a leaf and broken his leg. He will be out for the rest of the season.)

*The rain continues to pour down heavily on Dortmund as they begin to explore throughout the forest. Then suddenly they see it. A mysterious hole in the ground. A strange whistle emanates from the hole........*

Klopp: What is ze sound I hear? Why iz ze whistle come from thiz hole?

Lewandowski: You guys....I'm REALLY SCARED!!!!!!!!! Please, let's go!

Hummels: Nonsense. Let's see what's inside.....

*Hummels walks and looks into the hole, and his worst nightmare stands there looking back at him....*

Hummels: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH GAWD NOOOOOOOO MAKE IT STOOPPP!!!!!!!!

Klopp: What iz it?

Hummels: It's......It's........IT"S HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHH NOOOO PLEASE PLEASE GAWD WHY????????????////

*Klopp goes to take a peek and look in and suddenly he sees what has frightened Hummels so much. There in the hole is the image of Mertesacker. The man who has condemned Hummels to an eternity of the bench in the German NT. Mertesacker is Hummels worst nightmare.*

Klopp: Zer zer Hummels. Go take seat on ze bus. You mus get used to sitting down when in ze presence of Mertesacker anyways. You should get use to now I guezz.

*Hummels exits sobbing uncontrollably to go sit on the "bench" in the bus. He now knows in his heart that whenever Mertesacker is around the bench is the only place he can be*

Then suddenly out of nowhere the whistling in the hole stops and a bright light appears. Then an image of the

Dortmund will have no choice but to fall to the ground in
despair when my powerful Arsenal are through with them.

future is displayed to the whole Dortmund team. They see images of Ozil weaving in and around their team. They see images of Ramsey the new Zidane only better freely scoring on them. They see images of Wilshere the best mid of the world along with Ramsey tearing them up in the centre of the pitch. It is just too much for them to take.

A blood-curdling scream is heard from all the Dortmund players. A scream that would send shivers up your spine and make your toes curl. They scream and scream in vain as the images of what their fate will be when they get embarassed  by Arsenal continue to flash before them. Then suddenly the Dortmund players world turns black as they pass out...........................

The players awake the next day in their hotel rooms. They know in their hearts that the images they have seen are real and that there is no hope for them against Arsenal, the most powerful team of the world. They then head to do pre match interviews.

Reporter: Hummels!!! Hummels!!!! How many silly mistakes at the back will you make in tomorrows match?
Hummels: Well that is a good question reporter. I know that since I am an overrated CB who is always making dumb mistakes that it is bound to happen at least 5-7 times tomorrow. And that is not counting even the times when Ozil or Cazorla will just make me look foolish naturally!!! I know that my team stands no chance against Arsenal tomorrow.

Klopp in happier times. These days his face is solemn
and sad. He knows that he faces utter humiliation and
embarassment at the hands of the most powerful team
of the world ARSENAL.

Reporter: Reus!!! Mighty Reus!!!!!!! You are one of the most powerful players in the world. Will it be
enough for you to snatch some points tomorrow?
Mighty Reus: Oh of course not. We have never faced a team of the magnitude of Arsenal. We are the #3 team of the world, but Arsenal are the #1 and much too powerful for us. I only wish that I can have a good match so that Mr. Wenger can come recruit me to the most powerful team of the world.

Reporter: Gundogan!! Mr. Gundogan!!!!!!!!!!!! Tell the truth. Have you injured yourself on purpose just so you wouldn't have to face the awesome power of Arsenal in the Champions League?
Gundogan: My oh my I'm so embarassed, but yes I must admit that I hurt myself on purpose. I didn't want to suffer the humiliation on the pitch that we are sure to recieve.

(Interviews are now concluded. That means that there is only one more thing left to say.............)

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ARSENAL?!?!?!?!?!?!

(Dortmund I like you lot. I really do. But you guys can NOT defeat us. We are just too powerful I'm afraid.)

Arsenal 2 (Giroud, Ozil) - Dortmund 1 (Mighty Reus)
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Norwich.......GO CRY ABOUT IT LOSERS!!!!!!

OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!

IT'S NOW OFFICIAL. THIS TEAM IS MORE POWERFUL THAN ANY THAT HAS EVER STEPPED OUT ON THE PITCH.

THE GRACE. THE MOVEMENT. THE PRECISION...............

OH IT'S IS SO SO SO WONDERFUL.

WHOM THE FOOK CAN STOP MESUT OZIL.

Ozil is just too good. The opponents try to stop him but he just glides past them as if they were not even there. His touch and control are top notch. The defenders sees the ball and thinks, "NOW! This is my
chance to get the ball!!!" But then Ozil just drags it back and bursts past them leaving them embarassed and looking foolish. He makes the defenders he goes up against want to cry because of how embarassed he makes them. I guarantee you that at LEAST 4-5 Norwich players are at home crying right now, and shaking uncontrollably after what Ozil has done to them. They are probably contemplating going to law enforcement and filing a case of rape against Ozil for what he has done to them today. Such is the disaster that Ozil has inflicted upon their souls.

WILSHERE WELL FOOKING DONE LAD. GO ON THEN KEEP SILENCING THOSE HATERS. His play was so beautiful......it brought tears to my eyes as I watched him effortlessly keep the play flowing and ticking continuosly throughout the match. I had to grab some tissues to wipe away the tears in my eyes and I couldn't help but think, "WHOM THE FOOK CAN STOP MY POWERFUL WILSHERE TODAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!". AMAZING performance from him. I want more during our midweek clash.

RAMSEY. KEEP FOOKING SHOWING THE WORLD THAT YOU ARE THE BEST MID OF THE WORLD ALONG WITH WILSHERE. Use any superlative to describe Ramsey and you are correct in your assessment. He can dribble like a young Maradona. He can shoot like a young Ronaldo from Brazil. He can pass like a young Zidane. And in fact he is probably now even better than Zidane ever was and has surpassed Zidane in terms of ability and talent in a match. Tell me when Zidane could ever have such impact on a match like Ramsey does now???? Tell when when Zidane could score powerful shots on a regular basis like Ramsey?? Wilshere and Ramsey are the two best midfielders of the world right now BY FAR and they have already surpassed the level of Zidane. THAT'S FOOKING INSANSE THAT!!!!!!!!!!

Cazorla will soon be back to his best and terrorizing
his opponents. EPL is trembling now. They know that
Ozil + Cazorla = YOU CAN'T FOOKING BEAT US.
And that's without even adding the best player of the world
Walcott into the equation. NASTY. JUST  NASTY.

Giroud is just so lovely on the pitch with his power up top. It's no wonder BenzeMISS is nothing anymore in France except a body to keep the bench warm for when Giroud needs a rest. Powerful, powrful performance from Giroud. He has confirmed his status as a top 3 striker of the world with his performances this season.

Santi Cazorla. Well done lad. I know you were a bit rusty but it's good to see you back mate. You will soon
be back to your best and him and Ozil will form the most lethal combo of attacking mids the world has ever known..............

And don't forget about Rosicky who is also a top 5 attacking mid of the world who can come in a give a breather to either of them. WHAT OTHER FOOKING TEAM HAS A TOP 5 ATTACKING MIDFIELDER OF THE WORLD AVAILABLE TO BRING OFF THE MOTHERFOOKING BENCH???????? NONE!!!!!!

Flamini and Arteta. GOOD FOOKING JOB. They have done their jobs well and I am happy with their performances. Flamini is the best DM in the world now, and Arteta has confirmed his status as a top 5 centre mid of the world.

Our defence is inpenetrable as well. Koscielny and Mertesacker are the best CB pairing in the world and it's not even close. Sagna is the best RB. Gibbs is a top 3 LB along with Nacho Monreal AKA Left Back Messi. Szcezsny has established himself as a top 2 GK of the world. WHOM THE FOOK CAN BREAK THROUGH THIS DEFENCE (Norwich got a lucky goal because we just got bored by how much we were dominating them and needed a challenge for the end of the match).

Team Rankings
1. Arsenal
2. Barcelona
3. Dortmund
4. Bayen MunCHEAT
5. P$G

Dortmund be afraid. Be very afraid. Be very very afraid. Dortmund are the #3 team of the world right now. But they are going up against the #1 team in the ENTIRE world. Mighty Reus also hasn't been as good as he

I'm so sorry to Dortmund and Mighty Reus for what is about
to happen to them this week. I really like Dortmund. But, they
are going to get FOOKED UP. They will be on the grounds
begging for mercy and forgiveness with tear stained eyes
when we are through with them.

was last season so far when he was the #3 player of the world. Now the player rankings look like this.........

Player Rankings
1. Theo Walcott
2. Super Messi
3. LOSERnaldo
4. Scarface Ribery
5. Glassman Robben

We dont have Walcott and are still tearing up teams. Think what will happen if Walcott happens to show up to play next Tuesday..........

A shudder of fear just went up the spines of Dortmund as soon as they realized that Theo Walcott could be back to play. The best player of the world and of our generation could choose the Dortmund match to return and remind us all why he is THE player of this generation like Ronaldo Brazil was to his generation, like Zidane was to his generation, like Pele was to his generation, like Maradona was to his generation.

Whom can stop us?

ALL THE GLORY. ALL THE HONOUR. ALL THE SPOILS.
WE ARE ARSENAL. YOU CAN'T FOOK WITH US MATES.

YOU JUST CAN'T.

EPIC, GRIPPING match preview for Dortmund match coming later this week. STAY TUNED.
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Next Step: World Cup Glory

(It's been almost exactly a month now since my last post. Been busy mates, but this powerful victory today has inspired me to write some more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More blog posts coming in the future as well!!!!!)

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

REJOICE!!! EVERYONE REJOICE!!!!!!!! WE FOOKING DID IT!WE HAVE QUALIFIED FOR THE FOOKING WORLD UP FINALS YET AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The captain leads us to glory in Walcott's absence.

The haters doubted us.........
They said we couldn't do it.............
WELL FOOKING LOOK AT US NOW!!!!!!

Stage 1 of English Domination is complete. Now we go to conquer the world cup and claim the trophy in Brazil just as I predicted. Walcott will be so fit and ready by then and the world can only cower and whimper as we slowly but surely build up our strength to indescribable levels. Levels that other nations could only dream of......levels that people thought surely were simply the stuff of fiction.

But when you next see us in competitive action at the world cup.........the world will know just how FOOKING powerful we truly are. When Gerrard hoists that trophy to the heavens next summer in Brazil as the confetti falls down majestically around him, and as all the teammates are hoisting our superstar and the best player of our generation Walcott above their heads for finishing as the player of the tournament and also top goal scorer the world will know. They will know that WE ARE FOOKING ENGLAND AND WE ARE NOT TO BE FOOKED AROUND WITH YEAH?!?!?!?!

My body is trembling right now and the insane performance we have just put in here at Wembley and it trembles even more at the mere thought of our true power levels which will be revealed at the world cup when ALL our stars are fit and back ready to play.

I can already feel the tears developing in my eyes at just the mere thought of what WILL happen next

Lewandowski can only hold his head in his hands and cry.
He knows that the power of England was just too much
and the tears are now flowing from his face.

summer after we win the world cup in Brazil. I am already planning our victory celebrations and parades. I am thinking of how wonderful it will be to go out to the pubs and boom out in a loud voice, "HEY MATES. ALL DRINKS ON ME. DRINK UP TO YOUR 2014 WORLD CUP CHAMPIONS MY POWERFUL ENGLAND. DRINK UP TO THE BEST PLAYER OF OUR GENERATION THEO FOOKING WALCOTT."

(Meanwhile back in HATERland)

Tears of sadness flow freely. Dark skies and rainy drops devour the atmosphere. The sun had permanently vanished. The haters of England are weeping. They are weeping because they know it is over. The only shot their pathetic nations had at winning the world cup was to hope that we were cheated out of qualification.

Now, there hope is gone. They now know that their team is doomed at the next world cup.

Brazil are doomed.
Spain are doomed.
Slow motion Italy are doomed.
Overrated Belgium are doomed.
Germany are doomed (although Ozil will carry them as far as he can).
EVERY OTHER NATION are doomed.

All of these powerful wins this week came without Walcott.
JUST THINK WHAT HAPPENS AT THE WORLD CUP
WHEN THE WORLDS BEST PLAYER AND BEST OF OUR
GENERATION WALCOTT IS FULLY FIT AGAIN?!?!?!?!

Tell me how you could stop the pace, power, and skill of Walcott best player of the world?
Tell me how you could stop the precision and class of Wilshere when he is fully fit?
Tell me how you could stop the unstoppable strength and power of Gerrard?
Tell me how you could keep up with the movement and intelligence of Rooney?
Tell me how you could keep Lampard powerful shots out the net?
Tell me how you could contain the power and pace of Sturridge or Welbeck?
Tell me how you could find a way past our UNBREAKABLE defence line?

TELL ME HOW THE FOOK YOU COULD STOP THESE 3 LIONS FROM EATING YOUR TEAM ALIVE?

You can't mates. You can't.

I leave you with one final question that you already know the answer to...................

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ENGLAND FROM THE WORLD CUP TROPHY IN BRAZIL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

(Answer for you sm@rt@$$es: NO FOOKING BODY)
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We are all witnesses...............

ATTENTION ARSENAL SUPPORTERS.

ATTENTION ARSENAL HATERS.

ATTENTION SUPPORTERS OF OUR BEAUTIFUL GAME OF FOOTBALL.

WE ARE ALL WITNESSES............................

We are all witnesses to the glory of Arsenal.

We are all witnesses to Theo Walcott the best player of our generation.

We are all witnesses to the emergence of Aaron Ramsey as the best midfielder in all the world.

We are all witnesses to Jack Wilshere as the other best mid of the world

We are all witnesses to Mesut Ozil the best attacking mid of the world.

We are all witnesses to Santi Cazorla the other best attacking mid of the world.

We are all witnesses to Olivier Giroud who has now CONFIRMED his status as best striker in the world.

WE ARE ALL WITNESSES.

We are all witnisses to the rise of Ramsey as the
best midfielder of the ENTIRE world. What other club
would have such patience with their young players.
NONE. This is why we are the BEST club
of the world.

Adam Johnson could dive for penalties all he wants. THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST FOOKING BLATANT DIVES I EVER SAW. STUPID REFS TRIED TO CHEAT US AGAIN. HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

DON'T THESE HATERS KNOW?

WE HAVE SO MUCH FIREPOWER IN ATTACK THAT WE ARE NOW IMMUNTE TO THIS PATHETIC CHEATING. NOW REFS AND TEAMS HAVE TO CHEAT EVEN HARDER IF THEY WANT TO STAND A CHANCE AGAINST US.

I'm crying right now. The play of this team is just........BEAUTIFUL. It's so beautiful and moving.....so full of emotion and passion. And just think that Cazorla didn't even play today! Just think that although Walcott was good, he had a rare off game in terms of his final ball. Walcott could've had a hattrick today!!!!!!!!!

JUST THINK WHAT THE FOOK HAPPENS WHEN WALCOTT RETURNS BACK TO FORM AND SHOWS WHY HE IS CONSIDERED BY EVERYONE AS THE BEST OF THE WORLD AND BY MANY AS THE BEST FOOTBALLER OF THIS GENERATION. THINK ABOUT HOW WALCOTT, OZIL, CAZORLA, RAMSEY, WILSHERE, AND GIROUD WILL LINK UP IN ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOOK FOOK FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

THIS IS TOO FOOKING CRAZY HOW GOOD WE ARE THIS SEASON.

Even Bendtner on form is one of the most lethal strikers in the world. With Walcott and Ozil supplying him he can return back to his best as well when Giroud needs a rest. And Yaya Sanogo is a bright talent as well. We are STOCKED and LOADED up top mates.

Even Barca would be jealous of our ball movement. We are the most powerful side there is of all time.

HEAD UP WALCOTT! You didn't have the finishing touch

today but you are still the best of our generation. In the coming

weeks the world will be reminded why this lad is the best

 player of our generation

Haters are dying everywhere. Every head shall bow to Arsenal this season mates.

It was good of the Professor Wenger to sub out Ozil and Walcott. We need them fresh for the match in the Champions League.......

MARSEILLE ARE GETTING FOOKING TERRORIZED NEXT WEEK.

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ARSENAL FROM EPL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

WHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMm

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL THE GLORY. ALL THE HONOUR. ALL THE SPOILS.

WE ARE ARSENAL. YOU CAN'T FOOK WITH US MATES.

YOU JUST CAN'T.

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Arsenal v Sunderland Preview (Match Day 4) and FOOKING OZIL HAS ARRIVED

So we play Sunderland on Saturday. Yeah, well what can I say about Sunderland then. Well.......... THEY KIND OF FOOKING STINK. LMFAO. Tomorrow relax, kick your feet up mates. It's gonna be an easy win for us. Sunderland have no top talent. Sunderland are all out of form. They're just completely out of it mates. There is no way the points can be dropped.

I actually feel sorry for them tbh. The beating they will recieve at our hands will be unmerciful. Look out for Walcott to once again have a man of the match performance and continue to establish his name as the best player of this generation. I think tomorrow we will finally see him break the duck and find the back of the net. He has been in such a giving mood dishing out assist after assist that now he is ready to score for himself.

Ozil could only smile as he completed the move to his dream club.
"Real Madrid is a decent side for anyone, but Arsenal are the most
powerful side of the world. How could I say no to them? Arsenal are
more powerful than Real Madrid could ever dream of" exclaimed Ozil
when questioned about his move.

Bottom Line mates: Arsenal 4- Sunderland 0.

Now with that out of the way we get onto to matters that actually are important (because let's be honest mates. Sunderland are fooking jokes. We will EASILY smash them I guarantee it). What matter then may you ask?

Oh I don't know..........

HOW ABOUT WE SIGNED FOOKING MESUT OZIL AND HE IS READY TO DEBUT TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

STRENGTH............ MIGHT............. FOOKING POWER MATES. THAT THE STUFF OUR TEAM IS MADE OF. THEY DIDN'T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR US TO GET STRONGER BUT THEY WERE SO WRONG. AHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

The tears of the Madridistas are still dripping to the ground. They know they have just lost their gem. Their best player and there was nothing they could do about it.

Wenger flexed his muscles on them and all they could do was cower in fear and give us what we demanded. We fooking RAIDED Madrid against their will. NOBODY has the power to do that except my powerful Arsenal. Real Madrid like to boast all the time about how they're the best club in the world, but they know the truth and it was shown with Ozil. When we tell Real Madrid to give us a player..... WELL THEY GOT NO CHOICE BUT TO GIVE US THE FOOKING PLAYER BECAUSE WE ARE BIGGER THAN THEM.

OZIL IS OURS MATES. HE IS OURS. AND THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

BREAKING NEWS MATES!!!!!!!!!

Ozil has just contacted me and given me an exclusive on how much he will miss his old teammates. Listen to the music below and then read on to see Ozil's thoughts on his old teammates. Grab some tears Madridistas. This may be tough for you. Madridsta discretion is advised.

PLAY THE VIDEO BEFORE READING ON.

Ozil selected this song especially for Real Madrid and its supporters. Why you ask?

Cause HEY MOTHERFOOKERS IT'LL BE A LONG TIME BEFORE YOU EVER SEE HIM AGAIN!

Mesut Ozil speaks about................

-Ozil speaks about CASILLAS: "Casillas was a great friend of mine. He is welcome to join us at Arsenal and finally make the step up in his career. What they are doing to him is just cruel leaving him on the bench after all he has done for them. Arsenal awaits you"

It wasn't enough for Sergio to be dumb. He
Had to have the blonde hair to boot.

-Ozil speaks about ARBELOA: "THANK GAWD I don't have to play with this thug anymore. Someone tell this lad that you're supposed to kick the ball, not your opponent. I could only laugh when Nani gave this thung a dose of his own medicine right to the chest. AHAHAHAHAAA"

-Ozil speaks about SERGIO RAMOS: "Yet another Madrid thug. This lad is also DUMB AS ROCKS. AHAHAHAHA. This lad aspires to be a dumb blond. Why do you think he got that ridiculous hair do during preseason?"

-Ozil speaks about PEPE: "Who is this? There is no man on our team called Pepe. Perhaps you are referring to that hyena animal that we called Pepe?"

-Ozil speaks about VARANE: "As my great friend Ricky Cash predicted, my friend Varane will join me in Arsenal. ricky is brilliant and he predicted this all the way back to last season."

-Ozil speaks about ZOMBIE AlonSLOW: "I've never seen a slower player in my life. Slow motion Serie A must be licking their chops and having wet dreams about this lad."

BenzeMISS: Bad hair and ALWAYS missing
open net goals. Perfect freak for a circus
attraction.

-Ozil speaks about BENZEMISS: "AHAHAHAHAHAHA, Wait you were being serious when you were saying this guy is a footballer? That;s funny cause during my years in Madrid I was sure this guy was a circus attraction. He wears silly hair and is always missing open net goals. He is the perfect freak to attract people and give them a good laugh!"

Ozil speaks about RONALDO: "Ummmmm Ronaldo?!?!?! Uh yeah..... he's the best. The greatest. No one can compare to him..... yeah he's he's just the... he's just the best....
(Ozil is visibly trembling now and stuttering his every word. Then suddenly he remembers he's not  in Madrid anymore!!!!!!! He doesn't have to be a slave to LOSERnaldo anymore and always say that LOSERnaldo is the best like Ronaldo is going to force Bale to do. He's free mates! He's free! Ozil then continues speaking.)

Yes, Ronaldo. Haha, I almost forget I'm at Arsenal now. Yeah, Ronaldo is good, but he is NOT the best. Super Messi is better than him, and my new teammate Theo Walcott is the best player of the world and of our generation. Even Maradona and Pele watch this bou with jealousy and envy wishing they had even a fraction of his talent.

(The interview is now concluded. Ozil has spoken about his former teammates. Now it is time to let go and embark on his new journey with the best team of the world. Arsenal. But before we go Ozil has something to say to you all................)

*Ozil then stood up and in a roar he cried out.................

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ARSENAL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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Just do it like Nike mates. Just do it.

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