Real Madrid - Barcelona Players Ratings

Very good Clasico we've had today. The best team has won, and the worse team has been vanquished and humbled.
Meanwhile back in London certain individuals are laughing so hard right now at Real Madrid. (Ozil, Mourinho, Daniel Levy....take your pick mates. Take your pick).

Here are the ratings out of 10 mates.

BARCELONA
Valdes (8/10): Made some great saves throughout the match to frustrate the whiny Madrid team. Unlucky not to stop Mini-me LOSERnaldo AKA Jese's goal.

Messi can only smile as he has ONCE AGAIN
defeated and vanquished his foe LOSERnaldo

Dani Alves (7/10): Got caught out of position a couple of times on defence, but in attack he made Madrid suffer. UTTERLY AND TOTALLY HUMILIATED LOSERnaldo WITH A PANNA. LOSERnaldo WAS LEFT HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED.

Pique (6/10): Good solid defence. Nothing special from him, but he did his job for the most part. Shakira will reward him tonight.

Mascherano (5/10): Solid in defence, but he made too many mistakes that almost cost Barca like giving the ball away cheaply around Barca's goal. He also failed to mark Mini-Me LOSERnaldo AKA Jese for that last goal, but otherwise he put in a solid performance.

Adriano (6/10): SHUT DOWN THE 100 M FLOP. He wasn't spectacular or anything today, but he showed that EAReth FAIL is nothing but the biggest most expensive flop in footballing history.

Busquets (5/10): Kept things ticking in the Barca midfield, but he was a little whiny today tbh. He needs better concentration or he could've cost his team.

Iniesta (7/10): This trash continues to try and steal glory from Super Messi as usual. I'll admit that he was good today, but he better stop hogging the ball from Super Messi or else Barca will fail again like last season in Champ's League when they face real competition.

Xavi (8/10): He has been surpassed by Ramsey and Wilshere as best centre mid in the world, but he turned back the clock today and picked apart Madrid in midfield. Well done mate. Well done.

He may have a Horsie hair head, but NEIGHmar still proved to
be the difference in today's match.......

Horsie Head NEIGHmar (9/10; MAN OF THE MATCH): When NEIGHmar first arrived I thought he would be like that trash Iniesta always trying to steal glory from Messi. But NEIGHmar has shown that he is a good, obedient boy and he performs the will of Messi and doesn't step out of line. Messi has decided to reward him today by letting him star in the Clasico so well done NEIGHmar. Well done mate.

Traitor Fabregas (3/10): Useless for Barca. This traitor boy should be sent to the Barca reserves to teach him a lesson in LOYALTY.

Super Messi (6/10): Not the best match from Super Messi, but he played like this ON PURPOSE. He knew Madrid would have 3-4 of their hyenas chasing him so he acted as a decoy and let NEIGHmar shine today instead. FOOK ANYONE WHO STILL SAYS SUPER MESSI IS SELFISH AFTER THIS MATCH. HE SACRIFICED HIS INDIVIDUAL GLORY FOR THIS MATCH SO THAT THE TEAM COULD WIN. WELL DONE SUPER MESSI. WELL DONE.

Subs:
Alexis Sanchez (8/10): Spectacular chip for the win lad. Spectacular. He didn't do much else, but that chip was AMAZING.

Pedro (5/10): He was just brought on to work hard and secure the result for Barca. He did his job to bring home the victory.

Traitor Song (3/10): I can only sit and laugh at this traitor. The bench is where he shall remain for the rest of his days in Barca. Even that is too good for him though. He should also be sent to the reserves or even to the youth team training to toil for the rest of his days.


REAL MADRID
Diego Lopez (4/10): How can a keeper as HUMONGOUS as this guy get chipped so easily. LMFAO. TERRIBLE day for Lopez. Just TERRIBLE.

Daniel Carvajal will have nightmares of NEIGHmar
for the rest of his life now after getting
torched time and time again.

Carvajal (3/10): Horsie Head NEIGHmar TORE THIS LAD UP. Over and over. Time and time again NEIGHmar ate him up. This guy will have nightmares of NEIGHmar for the rest of his life.

Animal Hyena Pepe (6/10): The animal actually had a decent game. Nothing amazing. But decent. I'm surprised that this wild animal could remain so composed today. Madrid must have given him a rabies shot before the match to control his symptoms.

Varane (5/10): They left Varane to dry out there. He got no help from his teammates so it made him look bad. Hey Varane, when you're ready to join a real powerful team, we are waiting for you at Arsenal. Varane will surely be coming to Arsenal in the coming years where he belongs.

Marcelo (7/10): One of the better players in Madrid. He got up and linked up in attack, and he actually had good positioning during the match to keep Super Messi quiet. Marcelo should look to get out of Madrid soon so that he can join a team with a chance to win some trophies. Marcelo is the best LB int he world and he would be welcome at Arsenal.

THUGio Ramos (4/10): LMFAO. What was THUGio doing in the midfield? He has NEVER played there before and they decide to just randomly throw him in there in oh I don't know ONLY THE BIGGEST MATCH OF THE SEASON. LMFAO. AMATEUR HOUR at Madrid mates. AMATEUR HOUR at Madrid.

Ghostface Khedira (3/10): They call him Ghostface Khedira because he is invisible during the match and you never even realize he is out there. He simply vanishes from sight like a ghost. Except today he reappeared a few times during the match so that he could constantly ruin the Madrid attacks. LMFAO. I bet they wish he stayed vanished now.

Modric (7/10): The dirty ex Spud player. He was one of the best Madrid players for this match I'll admit. He was the only one who was showing some creativity and composure in the middle if the pitch.

EAReth FAIL (0/10; FLOP OF THE MATCH): LMFAO. 100 M down the drain. HOW THE FOOK

The biggest FAIL in football history. Even Bale can only
hold his hands on his head as he wonders why Real
Madrid made such a HORRENDOUS error.

CAN A PLAYER WHO COST 100 M BE SO USELESS ON A FOOTBALL PITCH. All Bale does in Madrid is pass backwards, and shoot the ball form 40 yards all the way into the stands. ANYONE CAN DO THIS. I repeat. HOW THE FOOK HAS HE COST 100 M THEN????

LOSERnaldo (6/10): He was HUMILIATED and SHAMED by Dani Alves. HUMILIATED and SHAMED. LOSERnaldo best keep his face out the public eye for a while. People will simply point and laugh at him and whisper about his failure against Alves from now on.

Di Maria (4/10): He ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran. And that's all he did. A headless chicken out on the football pitch. Only in Madrid mates. Only in Madrid.

Subs:

Illarra (4/10): Useless signing for Madrid. He cost 35 M and yet they still start THUGio Ramos over him even though Ramos isn;'t even a midfielder. LOL, the coach has NO FAITH in this lad. Another waste of money from Madrid. They just love to overspend on useless players don't they?

BenzeMISS (5/10): You know that you are a failure when people start cheering and hollering because you MISSed a shot off the post. LMFAO, Madridistas are so used to seeing him miss the target completely that his shot off the post took them by surprise. They weren't expecting that he could ever come close to scoring like that!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAA.

Jese aka Mini-me LOSERnaldo (7/10): This lad wants so much to be like LOSERnaldo. AHAHAHAHAHA. Well mate let me tell you should aspire to be more because you OUTSHINED your supposed idol today. You are an even BETTER talent than LOSERnaldo. Get out of Madrid son quickly, or else LOSERnaldo will ruin you by making Ancelotti keep you on the bench all the time. LOSERnaldo hates it when others outshine him. Just ask GOALzalo Higuain or Mesut Ozil.

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