Arsenal v Aston Villa Preview (Match Day 1)

Play the music below before continuing................

The time has come for Arsenal to return to EPL glory...

WE HAVE BEEN KEPT DOWN FOR TOO LONG MATES.

WE HAVE SUFFERED LONG ENOUGH MATES. 

NOW IS OUR TIME. NOW IS OUR MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They say we're too weak.

They say we're too slow.

They say we lack the proper mentality.

They say we can't do it.

Oh haters.

When will you learn that CAN'T doesn't exist in the Arsenal vocabulary.............

Walcott smiles at his opponents. He knows they can not stop him this season. Last season was his confirmation of his status as best in the world. This season he looks to establish himself as best of this generation. To put it beyond doubt once and for all. They cry out Lionel Messi!!! They cry out Ronaldo!!! And now they cry out THEO FOOKING WALCOTT!!!! Walcott will establish himself as best of this generation beyond all reasonable doubt this season. THIS IS BATTLE MATES. THIS IS FOOKING WAR. ONLY THE STRONG CAN SURVIVE IN EPL. His quest begins against a formidable foe, Aston Villa............

Introducing Christian Benteke AKA BEASTeke. The leader, the icon of Aston Villa. The superstar striker had quite the impressive season last year. Bagging goal after goal and inspiring his side with confidence. BEASTeke is a monster in front of the goal. Destroying his opponents with precision and intense power. He is like Goliath. His towering presence puts fear in the hearts of the weak. He crushes the small and meek. Who can stop this monster???? Who can stop this beast???? Who could stand up to his awesome powers???? Who will crush him? Is it possible???? The answer???? A resounding HELL YEAAAAAAAAAHH. 

Introducing Laurent Koscielny and Per Mertesacker. The best pair of CBs in all the world. Specifically,

Koscielny has established himself as the best centre back in the world, while Mertesacker is a top 5 centre back. Koscielny fears nobody. He is the best. He is ready to eat the BEASTeke for lunch. He will swallow him whole. And Mertesacker is even bigger than BEASTeke. He will bully him around all day. ALL FOOKING DAY MATES.. BEASTeke is good, but he stands no chance against Kosc and Mertesacker. He will sadly be humiliated on Saturday. When Koscielny and Mertesacker are through with him you will be able to find BEASTeke huddled up in the corner of his locker room in the fetal position silently crying while repeating, "Koscielny, Mertesacker....OH NO. Koscielny, Mertesacker......OH NO" repeatedly over and over again. BEASTeke will need at least a week to recover from the beat down them 2 are going to give him on Saturday.

Try as they might resistance is futile. I beg Aston Villa to just give up before this match even begins. Better that, than to suffer such utter humiliation at our hands in the upcoming match. Walcott will score. Giroud is in inpired form look for him to score. Lukas Podolski has such power to his game. He could even score as well. Wilshere will once again remind you lot why he is currently the best midfielder of the world. Ramsey will help him run the midfield like clockwork and he will show why he has surpassed Xavi now because unlike Xavi who can just make sideways and backwards passes, Ramsey can do all this, but also can make dangerous forward passes as well. Gibbs and Sagna will race up the flanks dominating left and right. Cazorla the graceful one will elegantly orchestrate the attack to the perfect tempo and show why he is the best attacking mid of the world. 

Arsenal are here to stay mates. We are ready to dominate. We are ready to prevail this season. I'm sorry Aston Villa I really am that you must start your season in such embarrassing fashion. But the King of football Thierry Henry has laid his mighty hands upon this squad and infused us with the spirit of the invincibles. We are a team of destiny. Know one can stop us this season.

Only one question remains for you now................

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ARSENAL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arsenal 3 - Aston Villa 0

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