Friday, May 17, 2013

The Story of Theo Walcott

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THE STORY OF THEO WALCOTT

It is a quiet day in Stanmore, London, England on March 16, 1989. An ordinary day by all acounts. Their is sun, a little bit of rain. Just a normal day. Then, suddenly there is a flash of light seen all around the world. Blink your eyes and you would've missed it. Football's savior had just been born.................

Theo Walcott the child prodigy
Theo Walcott was a small boy growing up. But, he was determined to be great. He would go out to the pitch everyday to hone his skills so that one day he could become the best in the world. The best the world had ever seen. One day a mysterious man in a cloak appeared to him and said "My boy Theo Walcott. Thou shalt become the most POWERFUL player to ever step to the pitch. Thou art the savior of football. With your great power comes great responsibility my blessed boy."

As the boy grew older he grew much stronger, and so did his skills just as prophesied. His legs grew very powerful and he became the fastest player of his generation. The scouts began to take notice and Theo Walcott's destiny began to fulfill itself.

Chelsea took notice. They said to themselves, we must have this boy. Let us sign him. But Walcott knew in his heart the future plastic club Chelsea would become and he rejected their sorry excuse of a club that can't even get into Champions League knockout stages after spending hundreds of millions of dollars. He signed for Southhampton instead. And so began the professional career of football's savior.

He started in their youth squad and he led them to much glory and honor. Soon his power had grown too strong and he was called up to their reserve squad at the tender age of 15, the youngest ever to play at that level. Soon though his power was even too great for the reserves. At the ripe young age of just 16 Walcott made his senior team debut!!! The youngest player of all time to debut professionally!!!! The prophecies of the mysterious cloaked man were coming true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Walcott dazzled and amazed and became the most famous and powerful name in England. His future was being written before our very eyes..............

Walcott makes the greatest decision of his life.
Fast forward to January 20, 2006. Arsenal is in the middle of their season. The mysterious cloaked man has appeared to Arsene Wenger in his dreams and this is what he said. "Wenger you must sign this boy Walcott NOW. He is the future of football. He is the only one who can save Arsenal. He is the only one who can save football. Sign him!!! Sign him now!!! ooooOOOOooooOOOoooo". Then, Wenger woke up. Immediately, Walcott was signed to Arsenal that day. And on March 16, 2006 his 17th birthday he officially signed his contract to the greatest club of all time. A perfect match. Greatest player of all time at greatest club of all time.

Now we are on the day August 19, 2006. Arsenal are locked into a fierce battle with Aston Villa. Wenger looks to his bench for inpiration. "Warm up Walcott" he says with a smile on his face, "Now is your moment.". Walcott eagerly warms up then he is called onto the pitch. He sets up a goal for Gilberto Silva after coming on. The reign of Theo Walcott in Arsenal has begun.

Walcott can only smile as he confirms his status
as the world's best during the Sweden match at Euro 2012.
As the seasons progressed Walcott continued to grow more powerful with each passing season. Then, The at Euro 2012, the cloaked man appeared to Theo Walcott before the Sweden game again after all those years. Then the cloaked man spoke, "Walcott you have grown powerful just as I have said boy. Now this season you become the best in the world. Good luck my friend." Then the cloaked man vanished. Shortly after, Walcott DESTROYED and HUMILIATED Sweden to lead England to victory and leave Ibra on his hands and knees crying like a baby. Walcott had finally established himself as the best player of world football just as was written and spoken by the prophecies of the cloaked man. In fact, Theo Walcott reinforced this fact that he was the now the best player of the world after his performances vs Sweden, Reading (x2), Tottenham, and Newcastle. Even the cloaked man couldn't contain himself saying, "Never before have I seen a boy this powerful on the football pitch. Even Brazil Ronaldo pales in comparison to his explosion on the pitch."

Fast forward to the present. Walcott is now at Arsenal for a long time after signing his contract extension. The mysterios cloaked man was seen popping some bubbly in the streets of London. The world is a happy place today. Oh so happy. Oh so happy.

No one can stop Walcott now. He is the best of the world along with his best mate Wilshere. Together they will lead Arsenal to the trophies.

The trophies were meant to be collected by Arsenal this season and forevermre.

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ARSENAL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Arsenal v Newcastle Match Preview


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ARSENAL v NEWCASTLE PREVIEW

www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_ix8dHZhUE (Click this link and keep the music on in the background as you read this part of the preview)

Darkness........So much darkness...............................................
Anguish............ agony.............. tears................

The tears drip from their eyes............
Drip..... Drop........ Drip............ Drop..................

They fall to their knees, and call for a savior..........

But no one hears their cries.

Not. A. Single. Soul.

Forever they will be alone.
Forever they will be ignored.
Forever they will be shamed..........

They toil day after day hoping for better. Praying for change.

But it will not come.

Not now. Not ever.

Forever. Their tears shall fall. Their hearts shall ache. They shall never know happiness. Never.......

The sad, sad life of a Spud fan...................................................................
Forever will their knees bend, their faces bow in the presence of the alimighty ARSENAL.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Now turn off the creepy music)

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(Meanwhile back at Arsenal)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3zOHHQSDNs (Now play this music as the background as you read this part)

OOOOOOOOOOOOH HAPPY HAPPY DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! Once again we have shattered the hearts of Spud supporters. We reign supreme over those subhuman mongrels yet again. CELEBRATE MATES. POP THAT BUBBBLY!!! WE ARE GOING TO THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE AFTER WE DEFEAT NEWCASTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spud supporters will still have their false hope that something will go wrong for us. But it is too late, and even they know this in their hearts. They had their chance...but they are too weak. Too pathetic. ARSENAL IS THE GREATEST CLUB OF THE WORLD. BOW DOWN SPUDS. BOW DOOOOOOOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Newcastle will try their hardest, but we will crush them with the force of 1,000 Zeus. Walcott sips is right now sitting down with his feet kicked to the sky reading a book and sipping some wine with his mate Jack Wilshere. They are relaxed. They are calm. The points are ours.

We can not be stopped. We can not be tamed. WHOM THOUGHT THEY COULD STOP US THIS SEASON?

They cheated us in Champions League. They cheated is in the domestic cups. They cheated us from winning the league. But still we will get top 4. WE ARE THE MOST POWERFUL CLUB OF THE WORLD.

(Now cut off the happy music)

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-_vFVM6T_g (Now play this music for the final dramatic message from the Arsenal players)

MESSAGES FROM ARSENAL PLAYERS.
Arsene Wenger: WE CAN DO THIS!!!!! COME ON!! LET'S SECURE OUR CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SPOT!! WHOM CAN STOP US?!?!?!?!?!?

Gervinho: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! COME ON YOU GUNNERS!!!!!!!!

Jack Wilshere: We can do this guys....I know we can......... WHOM THE FOOK CAN STOP US!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Arteta: I may not make it in time for the match. BUT I HAVE FAITH IN YOU. YOU MUST KEEP THE FAITH. QUALIFICATION FOR CHAMPIONS LEAGUE WILL HAPPEN MATES!! COME ON YOU GUNNERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oxlade-Chamberlain: WHOM CAN STOP OUR POWERFUL ARSENAL?!?! LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Then everything turns to black......and Theo Walcott appears all alone)

Theo Walcott: Hi, Theo here. Many of you may know that this season I confirmed myself as the best player of the world through hard work and intense sacrifice. But now I call upon all you Gunners. Show your support in full force. Champions League qualification is ours. YES WE CAN. YES WE CAN DO THIS. COME ON YOU GUNNERS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

(Then, the whole Arsenal team appears next to Walcott. They all look intensely into the camera before screaming wildly at the top of their lungs for one last time this season........)

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ARSENAL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
(Tune in on Sunday to see the culmination of all our hard work this season mates and let the music take you away.............)

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It begins......

The time has arrived for I, Ricky Cash, to open up my blog. I have also just signed up for twitter, so anyone who happens to read this should go and follow me so that you can keep track of my amazing insight into this game of football.

Go Follow me mate!!!  https://twitter.com/rickyCash_COYG
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This season hasn't been the greatest. We've been cheated out of the Champions League by Bayern MunCHEAT (HOW COULD THEY CALL WALCOTT OFFSIDE ON THAT PLAY IN THE SECOND HALF!!! HE WOULD'VE SCORED AND SENT US THROUGH. WE SHOULD BE IN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL, NOT BAYERN MunCHEAT!!!!!!!!). We've been cheated out of the league. We've been cheated out of all the domestic cups.

But we are Arsenal. We never die. And led by Theo Walcott the best player of the world who has confirmed it countless times this season (Sweeden at the Euros, Reading x2, Tottenham, Newcastle, Brighton, Wigan, etc.) and also Jack Wilshere who has surpassed Zidane already at the tender age of 21 (Zidane watches this boy with jealousy and drips tears from his eyes wondering why he wasn't blessed with such talent)......yes led by these talents the future is bright and we will surely do the treble next season.

What more can I say other than...................

WHOM CAN STOP MY POWERFUL ARSENAL?!?!?!?!?!?!?

(AHAHAHAHAHAH SPUDS, YOU'LL NEVER FINISH ABOVE US. AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!)
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